Breaking the Spell: Improved Gender Critical Discourse
I learned some things worth sharing.
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Trigger Warning: meanie-face TERF being (a little) mean, stupid arguments for transgenderism, sentences of questionable length, and unnecessary curses, as always.
Note: any misinformation and/or confusion over the concepts covered should be assumed to be a mistake on the part of my dumb ass, not a reflection of Ms. Murphy’s work in any way whatsoever.
Contents:
Introduction and Inspiration
Argument vs Atmosphere
Presupposition in Trans Language
The Spiral of Silence
Introduction and Inspiration
If you spend any time interacting with the gender critical part of Twitter, you are likely familiar with the rising star that is MJ Murphy. She posts several videos every day using her knowledge to break down transgender arguments and explain helpful concepts as a poker player/stand-up comedian/doctor/dialectician.
If you'd like a recent taste of what she's all about, I recommend this video:
If you enjoy that sort of thing, please check out her presence on Twitter for more. Ms. Mary Jane Murphy has recently released a book entitled Breaking the Spell that expounds upon the content of her videos through the lens of transgenderism and gender critical discourse.
I decided to purchase myself a copy as a special treat. Despite its modest length, it is full of practical skills you can apply to begin having more productive debates over gender. That is, assuming you can find a transphile who is reasonable and interested in an honest exploration of the topic. Good luck on that.
Thankfully, these skills are also applicable to those of you with no interest in getting into a debate - you can learn to better spot and respond to manipulation even if you aren't one-on-one.
I have no interest in piggybacking off her work or tempting her into suing me, so I will be limiting what I share from her book. My goal is to offer not just a taste, but a morsel - something to chew on. Something of substance. Something of use.
I recommend the book for those who are able and willing to purchase a copy. For those who are outside of that part of the Venn diagram, I would love to share with you a bit of what I've learned from it. I think it might help you get more out of gender critical discourse.
If you enjoy simple but powerful ideas expressed clearly and succinctly turned into somewhat confusing, verbose over-complications with swears thrown in for no reason, you've come to the right place.
Oh, and I hope you like needlessly long sentences and extraneous adjectives. (I am an English professor’s nightmare.)
Argument vs Atmosphere
Like many helpful ideas, the distinction between argument and atmosphere is relatively simple but powerful. Being aware of the difference: how each makes you feel, what response each is meant to elicit, and what to do when you've noticed a shift, serves as an excellent foundation for better (gender critical) discourse.
Personally, this idea has helped me gain confidence because I realized I was misidentifying the symptoms of a switch from argument to atmosphere as signs that I was wrong or stupid. I would sometimes lose confidence and retreat after emotional overwhelm. I have to imagine that I'm not completely alone in that.
If you start gender critical debates with confidence but find you lose it to feelings of distress and an urge to run and hide, perhaps this distinction will help you, as well.
An argument is what those of us seeking a productive debate are all about: an earnest attempt to grapple with the truth and come to some understanding. An argument can be examined, supported or refuted by evidence, and dismantled, if needed. An argument can grapple with an opposing argument.
An atmosphere, by contrast, is the preferred realm of ideologues bereft of truth and reason because when we switch from argument to atmosphere, we are no longer beholden to the laws of reality or a good faith exploration of the truth. To be frank, you really don’t have to think at all.
The trouble is that a switch from argument to atmosphere can be pretty destabilizing, especially for those of us who are emotional and have touchy nervous systems. It can take you from confident and in control to rudderless in an instant. What's worse, you often feel like you've done something wrong or you suddenly realize you're actually just a huge dumbass who has no clue what's up.
That's a lie your brain is telling you because they have targeted you directly in your feelings. The good news is that the more you practice looking for this shift, the easier it becomes to respond to it in a controlled manner.
Arguments and Atmosphere:
Approximately 1 in 4 women are the victim of sexual assault. Those women need access to single-sex services and facilities.
You don't care if “trans women” get sexually assaulted?
We started talking about the needs of vulnerable women and ended up with an accusation of cruelty and false dichotomy - a bit of deflection and an attack on your character.
The participation of one male in female sports at the high school level can negatively impact over one thousand female athletes.
Only a cruel bigot would ban “trans girls” from sports.
Rather than asking for clarification or requesting sources, this jerkwad is deflecting in order to attack your character while offering another false dichotomy: either girls need to “deal with it” or “trans girls” must be banned from participating in high school athletics.
✅ Skills to Strengthen:
Spot a shift from argument to atmosphere.
Notice what the shift looked like - what happened?
Feel the shift and remind yourself that it was this manipulation that made you feel this way - not the validity of your claims.
Return the conversation to an argument once they have shifted to an atmosphere.
A shift from argument to atmosphere produces physical sensations before your thoughts have a moment to catch up: a tightening in your chest, a flush of warmth, a sinking feeling in your gut, a desire to apologize, and/or/including an urge to flee immediately and avoid all mention of transgenderism ever again.
When you feel these sensations, practice taking a moment to recognize that the shift has occurred. Remind yourself that these are not an indication that you are bad or wrong or (insert negative adjective here).
Notice. Breath. Remind yourself.
Now, we need to get the conversation back on track, away from the realm of feelings and back to that of facts. Let’s look at an unfortunate example of how dialogue surrounding this issue often plays out online:
Internet Transphile: TRANS WOMEN ARE WOMEN 🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️
Transphobic Bitch: Can you define “trans woman” without using the word “woman”?
Internet Transphile: Can you stop being such a transphobic bitch?
Now, I would suggest moving on, but if you just cannot let such a delicious opportunity to frustrate yourself slip through your fingers, you can respond in any number of ways. Before that, we should take a look at what just happened:
Internet Transphile: TRANS WOMEN ARE WOMEN (atmosphere - tautological slogan meant to terminate thought)
Transphobic Bitch: Can you define “trans woman” without using the word “woman”? (shift from atmosphere to argument - attempt to address loaded vocabulary by dismantling the presupposition inherent in “trans woman/women”)
Internet Transphile: Can you stop being such a transphobic bitch? (shift from argument to atmosphere - attack on the character of the “transphobe” replaces the honest inquiry posing a threat to the transphile)
Sensing the danger inherent in trying to answer the question posed by the transphobic bitch, our internet transphile reverts back to atmosphere in an attempt to belittle the gender critical person, dodge the threatening inquiry, and end any attempt at substantive debate. So, if you don’t want to walk away from this fight, what should you do? Let’s see if we can push ourselves back into the realm of argument with some options:
“Attacking my character does not answer the question I posed. Let’s return to the question.”
“While I may be a transphobic bitch, I am also interested in productive debate with trans-identified folks and their allies. Let’s return to the question I posed.”
“No. Can you answer the question?”
“No more than you can stop being an insufferable prick. Now, back to the question.”
As a reader, it seems to me that the important point is to ensure that you are not engaging with the atmospheric distractions and getting yourself dragged into a name-calling match, or worse. As simple as this is to break down and illustrate in an essay, the trick is being able to identify the differences between an argument and an atmosphere as well as the shift while embroiled in what is likely an emotionally charged situation.
Presupposition in Trans Language
Presupposition in language is certainly not restricted to the world of transgenderism, but transphiles and allies make excellent use of loaded vocabulary to trick you into agreeing to a premise before you've gotten the chance to make your argument.
While it can seem like pedantry at times, the often insisted upon gender critical restriction of language is a crucial response to a war being waged with words. Reckless use of presupposition by trans apologists only further intensifies the need for careful word choices.
As an example, consider the following question, “Have you stopped kicking defenseless puppies yet?”
Both a yes and a no response place the respondent in the awkward position of having indirectly admitted to unnecessary (and villainous, frankly) behavior taken against innocent juvenile canines.
If our hero is not the type to abuse critters, they must address the presupposition threatening to trap them before answering the question. They should probably just walk away, though. This dude seems like a real jerk.
Now that I'm angry at some hypothetical guy for maybe kicking puppies, let's return to the realm to gender. Trans apologists make ample use of presupposition not only through phrasing, but by using loaded vocabulary.
As an example, the term cisgender is problematic not only because of its capacity to rearrange reality to center gender identity over sex, and men over women, but its embedded assumptions.
The moment you use that word, you are agreeing to the claim that everyone has a gender identity, be that trans or not. It doesn't exactly help that a neutral alternative such as “non-trans-identified” contains five more syllables than the word “cis”.
✅ Skills to Strengthen:
Spot presupposition in pro-gender language.
Substitute loaded words with neutral language.
Call out presuppositions and loaded words and request the use of neutral language instead.
It may be tempting to try and wade through the language of the queer, but it's really best not to. It's linguistic kudzu that will ultimately restrain and restrict you from making any headway. Please do your best to avoid this temptation. Whatever you do, don't answer the question about kicking puppies.
Here are a few commonly utilized words and phrases loaded with presupposition, as well as neutral alternatives:
cis(gender): assumes that everyone possesses a gender identity, whether or not “transgender” (opt for “non trans-identified” instead)
assigned (sex) at birth: suggests that sex is not an observable reality and that ambiguous genitalia at birth is common enough to warrant consideration in the language used (it isn't) (try “sex observed/recorded at birth” or just “sex”)
TERF (trans exclusionary radical feminist): overuse implies that any gender critical woman is necessarily a radical feminist and that their aim is to exclude trans folks rather than protect women and children. (try using “gender critical woman” or “women's rights advocate”)
When presented with words that force undesired conclusions and concessions, pause: you need to neutralize all loaded words impacting your statement before continuing to engage.
The Spiral of Silence
The silence is not consensus. It is fear wearing the mask of consensus.
The Spiral of Silence is a simple idea on the surface, with plenty to dig into if you’re interested in such a thing or just bored out of your gourd. Learning about this concept has given me a renewed sense of purpose when it comes to my writing and advocacy. It reminded me that there are so many people who are afraid, frustrated, upset, and silenced by the potential consequences of seeming to support “the wrong views”. Speaking out about gender, purposefully and unapologetically, slowly helps to unwind the spiral by reducing stigma, fear, and moral outrage.
Humans are social animals wired to fear isolation and abandonment. Despite the illusion of independence that modern life can trick us into believing, we need one another to survive, even now. As a result, we are constantly observing and learning from our fellow humans. Just one of myriad ways in which we keep tabs on the situation around us is by evaluating which ideas are considered dangerous to express.
It is as simple as this: when people feel that expressing a particular opinion will be received poorly by seemingly everyone around them — when their reputations, friendships, families, careers, and very physical safety are at stake — they shut up and stay that way, out of a reasonable sense of caution.
Every time someone gets publicly punished for “transphobia”, those who witness it learn a lesson: whatever you do, do not be the next example; then, as time marches on, the spiral coils ever-tighter around the possibility of open dialogue - fostering a climate of fear as well as obscuring the reality of the situation through enforced silence. (Personally, I like to imagine a boa constrictor of censorship squeezing the life out of public debate - seems more apt to me. Plus, I think sneks1 are cool.)
During my modest research of the topic, I found commentary on the impact of the internet and social media on the spiral; not about the subject of transgenderism specifically, but in general. I'm not going to argue with someone who studies these concepts for a living, but I believe that this spiral has wound itself around open dialogue about transgenderism, likely with the help of the internet.
It appears the basic idea is that fear of banishment and isolation are no longer of concern when you have billions of other people with whom you can form new relationships. Hard disagree. You can very clearly witness the fear that makes smart people do stupid things and kind people act with abject cruelty when it comes to this - very much so.
But then, transgenderism is a strange social phenomenon in many ways. It's a reality-subverting contagious cult that outright rejects science and objective truth in favor of validating self destructive and antisocial behavior in the form of mutilated children and fetish-frenzied men with boobs.
But then again, I am nothing if not an overconfident layman who doesn't know when to shut up. I could very well be wrong.
✅ Skills to Strengthen:
Speak up about transgenderism.
Interact in a mature and rational manner that inspires and commands respect.
Welcome those who are questioning or recently reformed trans allies. Educate, don't castigate.
The Spiral of Silence (MJ Murphy via X) Mary Jane Murphy
Above is a link to MJ explaining The Spiral of Silence in case you want a clear and complete explanation and/or a chance to stare into her baby blues.
If you take anything away from this essay, let it be this: silence does not equal consent or agreement. It is possible for nearly everyone to seem to agree on a point due to the impact of fear while holding clandestine misgivings.
The people we need to reach are out there, waiting to hear our voices. You never know when you will lay the straw to break the camel's back. If you're struggling to continue fighting, remember those folks. They're likely everywhere.
Until next time, stay guilty of thought crimes!
MadFem XX
See Also:
Mary Jane Murphy (Substack)
The Spiral of Silence (MJ Murphy via X) Mary Jane Murphy
SNEK OF SILENCE
This is good tactical advice for internet interactions, as it’s easy to find online discourse about trans that you can weigh in on, but in real life it’s less useful. In my experience, the only time a discussion about trans comes up is when I’m chatting with a group of acquaintances and one of the women remarks about how the kid of someone she is friends with is trans, and how the friend is dealing with it. Often I feel like injecting GC views is taken as a personal attack on the friend or even the woman who is telling the story. And often if there is a “trans ally” in the group they will quickly insert some form of “it’s not your kid, what business is it of yours?” And then we’re back to your expressing neutral GC opinions being taken as personal attacks, if nothing else you are seen as calling someone’s friend a bad mother. It’s nearly impossible to maintain your objective stance in such situations. In just general interactions with strangers, I have never had the topic come up. In work situations, if you are coming into a new workplace and there is a TIP working there who is accepted by the team and just “one of us proles in the trenches,” and you bring up GC concerns in break room conversations or whatever, it will immediately be taken as you attacking the TIP team member and mean they will see it as you denigrating their work ethic, personality, taste in cubicle tchotchkes, you name it, the coworkers will not fail to make it personal and as you say “about atmosphere.” It’s like, you can’t win. And this the spiral of silence wins.
Thanks for the tips! This is exactly what I was wondering about today--how to discuss the issue with people...with the rare folks who might be able to hold off from swearing for a few minutes.